The Most Beautiful Bitter Fruit
by davegrohlismyspiritanimal
Summary: Hazel and Gus are both seniors in high school. They have been best friends since they were children. Their feelings for each other might turn out to be more than just friendly, though. There's just one problem, Hazel has had cancer, and it may make a fatal recurrence. Can they both survive the inevitable heartbreak that is sure to happen? RATED T for a reason. AU. Slightly OOC.
1. Heart Skipped A Beat

(Hazel's POV)

The worst thing about cancer is not the disease itself, but it's the look of sympathy etched on everyone's faces no matter where you go. I mean, sure, the constant threat of dying is still there, but it's better than being pitied. I'd take death over pity any day.

I'm struggling with the pity right now as I walk into school this morning. You see, I had a touch of osteosarcoma about a year ago, it didn't do anything too serious, but I almost had to give up my right leg. People treat me like I'm made of porcelain, though, and, to be quite frank, it pisses me off.

I'm 17 years old, so I'm in my senior year. I hate this school and everyone in it. They always feel the need to be original, or what they think is original; and when that doesn't work out, they criticize anyone who is actually being themselves. It's complete and utter bullshit, and I refuse to speak to anyone who acts that way. This is why I have very few friends.

I make the excruciatingly long trek to my locker. On my way there, I see the top of my best friend Augustus's head standing in front of it, like he always does. Once he sees me he smiles that half smile of his and waves. As I walk up to him, he says, "Morning, Hazel Grace. You're looking dapper as always." I look down at my band tee, ripped jeans, and converse, then back up to him.

"Gee, thanks Gus, you're being a smartass as always. And how many times do I have to tell you to just call me Hazel? It's been ten years of this friendship, you'd think you'd learn by now", I say sarcastically. He just smiles fondly at me and shakes his head.

Now, don't think of this as us fighting. This is our normal everyday conversation, it's how we show our love. I like the fact that he talks to me like this. He never treats me like glass, even when I'm close to breaking.

In the process of our little friendly banter, I have already opened my locker and taken out the books I need for my first class of the day. I close the locker door and make my way to first period, Gus following close behind.

**It's short, and I probably won't continue it, but oh well.  
xx**


	2. Stomach Tied In Knots

(Still in Hazel's POV)

I make it to my first period, English, and Gus races me to the classroom. You see, there's this certain desk that is basically the god of all desks. It's right under the air conditioner, so whoever sits there gets to stay cool. Gus and I always fight over it, and he usually wins. But, unfortunately for him, I'm not really digging having to sweat whilst listening to the teacher drone on and on today.

Long story short, I make it to the desk first, which results in him making a pouty face. I stick my tongue out at him and he shoves his pencil in my mouth.

"Ugh. Ew, Gus. Why'd you do that?", I demand, taking it out and throwing it back at him.

He just smirks and says, "Sticking your tongue out isn't very lady like. In fact, it's quite provocative," he then leans in and whispers, while waggling his eyebrows, "someone might get the wrong idea."

I roll my eyes, already accustomed to his childish antics, and get out my notebook. The bell rings shortly after, and our English teacher, Mr. Locke, walks in, closing the door behind him. He walks up to his desk, and announces something that makes me smile.

"Hello class, glad to see you're all here today, especially on a Monday. I have a project planned for you all. You'll have to pick partners. Choose wisely, for this will have to be done at your homes as well." He hands out slips of paper with the directions and requirements printed on them.

It's a project on literature, specifically a book called _An Imperial Affliction._ Which is only, like, my favorite book ever, so it's safe to say I'm stoked. I look over to Gus who's smiling, too. He loves the book just as much as I do, and I know that if we work together it will be an easy A.

"Partners?", he asks, smiling, already knowing the answer.

"Absolutely. Did you even have to ask?"

He grabs my notebook, tears out a piece of paper, and titles the top. He looks up to me, silently asking what he should put. I sigh, and take the pencil from him.

I begin writing down as many things as I can possibly remember from the novel, which isn't hard to do, considering I've read it about thirty times total in my natural born life.

After about forty minutes of joking around and fangirling about the book, the bell rings. I gather my things and try to make my way out the door. Gus stops me, though, by grabbing my backpack and pulling me with him out the door. I just let him, seeing how we have the same exact schedule anyways.

"So, Gus, about that project. Your house or mine?", I ask while he's still dragging me to Math. He doesn't even turn around, just points to me, and keeps walking. Guess that means my house. Great, I'll have to deal with my overbearing mother who keeps claiming that I'm in love with him. Which is preposterous, we're basically siblings, we've known each other so long.

I can't help but feel this pit in my stomach as I think this, telling me I'm lying to myself. It's not like I've never thought about it before. Gus is literally perfection on legs, but I just don't think he thinks of me like that. I'm actually two-hundred percent certain he doesn't.

In the midst of the little war I was having inside of my head, Gus has already dragged us both to Math, and is now staring at me. I gulp, and look straight into his luminous blue eyes. Sometimes, it's really hard to look him in the eyes, they're so intense.

"You okay, Hazel? You worried me there for a second when you didn't reply to me with a witty remark", he says genuinely concerned. I can tell, because he only drops the Grace when he's worried.

I try to pull the most convincing smile and nod, and I must do a decent job, because he just says okay and leads me into my impending doom: Math.


	3. Piece Of My Heart

**Woah, this ones actually in Augustus's POV. It will most likely suck, because, you know, I'm not a dude, but we'll seeee.**

**Also thanks for the reviews, you guys are so nice. I never really thought anyone would read this, let alone like it. :D**

(Gus's POV)

I don't know what Hazel's always talking about when she says she hates math. I personally hate anything that doesn't involve numbers, I'm just that kind of guy. Math is easy to me. Just like reading and writing are to her.

I'm actually pretty excited about going over to her house tonight,though. I mean, it's not like I've never been there before, it's practically my second home, but tonight's different. Lately, I've felt like she's been more distant, and that really bothers me, so maybe this is the chance to finally settle my nerves.

I worry about her, a lot. More than I need to, I guess. But how would you feel if your best friend almost died less than a year ago? Ever since I found out she had cancer, I've made it a point to be the best Gus I can be.

I know that she hates sympathy, so I try not to give it. She's too good for sympathy, anyways, too strong for it. I admire her strength and her hatred of pity. I admire everything about her, really. Every time I see her, she takes another piece of my heart. And, in time, she'll surely have the whole thing.

I try not to deny myself the simple pleasures of beauty or love, but it's so hard. I know she doesn't feel the same, why would she? I'm just her best buddy, her pal. Yeah, I'm completely in the friend zone, and I'm a little less than okay with that. I'd rather be her friend than her nothing.

During school, we had agreed that I would show up at her house at 4. It's 3:49 and her house is a ten minute drive from mine, so I get the things I need and head out. On the way there, I listen to a playlist she made for me. Hazel actually has more than just a good taste in books, she has some for music, too.

I get to her house eventually, with the ridiculous Indy traffic slowing me down. I turn off the car and hop out. I grab my backpack, and saunter up her front porch steps and up to her door. I just open it, like I said, I basically live here, so it's no problem.

I peer over the door, and see Hazel sitting on the couch in the living room, watching TV. When she hears the door creak, she looks up and smiles at me. Her smile is honestly breathtaking, and the fact that I can bring it out of her makes me smile, too.

"Hey Gus. You wanna work on the project now or watch a movie or something?", she asks casually.

A movie wins over working on anything school related, so, obviously, I pick the movie. She gets up to pick it out, and I go on the search for popcorn. I find it, and toss it in the microwave, letting it pop. Once it's finished, I take it out and empty it into the nearest bowl.

I walk back to the living room, popcorn in hand, crunching on a handful. Hazel is already sitting down, waiting for me, so she can press play. I hand her the popcorn and sit down. She picked V for Vendetta, the first one we ever watched together. I look over at her to smile, and I already see her doing the same.

I wrap my arm around her shoulders and bring her close to me. I sigh contently. There really is nothing better than being with her, even if nothing will come out of it in the end.

**Fun fact: I actually live in Indiana and Indianapolis traffic does kind of suck. AND WHEN I READ TFIOS AND IT WAS BASED IN INDIANA I WAS FANGIRLING. Ok rant over.**

**Bye. xx**


	4. Seemingly Hopless

**Hopefully this one's better and longer than the others. I'm not very good at writing long stuff, though. **

(Hazel's POV)

When Gus wraps his arm around me, my insides flutter. We've always been close friends, always hugging, and cuddling, but it never meant anything- until now. He has no idea what he does to me. His voice alone could send me reeling.

After two hours of me trying to keep my feelings in check, while simultaneously watching the movie, it finally ends. I grab the remote and shut it off, a little too eagerly. Gus, noticing this, gives me a strange look. I just get up and grab his backpack.

"We need to finish the project. You ready to start?", I ask, throwing his bag at him.

He picks it up off the floor -I'm not that good of an aim- and unzips it. He takes out the piece of paper and sets it down on the coffee table, letting his backpack fall back to the floor.

I peer over his shoulder and read what we have so far. It's a basic summary, and we're supposed to prepare a detailed speech. I'm not very good in public speaking, but Gus is, so I'll just leave the actual talking to him.

I write down something Wikipedia worthy, and show him the page, waiting for his approval. I watch him read, something I've always loved doing. His eyes focus so intently on the page that it's honestly mesmerizing.

He nods his head, liking what I put down, and shoves it back in his backpack. I try to get off the couch, but he grabs me and pulls me down to him. He starts tickling me, something I've hated with a passion since we were kids. I kick and scream, and shout my pleads through my giggles.

"Augustus Waters, if you don't stop, so help me, I will burn your precious Price of Dawn books! Video games and all.", I shout.

That makes him stop immediately. I smirk, pleased with myself. He just lifts me up off the couch and sets me back down in a sitting position.

"You're pure evil, woman. Don't threaten Max Mayhem. Ever." he says, completely serious.

He sounds ridiculous and I can't help but burst into a fit of laughter. He just shakes his head, and despite himself, laughs, too.

"You sure are something else, Hazel Grace."

"Oh, whatever. You wouldn't be able to function without me, Gussy. ", I say, using the nickname his ex girlfriend used to call him.

He scoffs, but says, "You're right. I would be completely lost." His facial expression is so solemn that I sigh, then grab him in the most intense hug we've ever had.

He hugs me back with the same intensity. I bury my head in his neck and inhale his scent. I've always felt so safe in his arms, like nothing bad will ever happen when I'm inside of them.

* * *

(Still Hazel)

Last night, after Gus left, I jumped straight into bed. I was so exhausted and I didn't even know why. Hopefully the cancer isn't back.

I shake these thoughts away and get ready for school. After showering, putting on my usual attire, and brushing my hair and teeth, I run down stairs.

My mom has this thing where I have to eat breakfast with her at the table every morning, or she will literally hunt me down, wielding her spatula as a weapon. I tried to escape once, and trust me, I'm never making that mistake ever again. Trying to get pancake batter out of your hair isn't very fun.

I sit down at the table and murmur a good morning to my mom. I gulp down my glass of orange juice, and eat a piece of toast. I hear Gus's car horn, so I say a quick farewell to my mom, hug her, and run out the door.

I hop down the front porch steps and make it to his car. He jumps out, and opens the passenger door for me.

"Wow, Gus, are you trying to gain brownie points?"

"What, I can't be nice to you?", he asks innocently.

I just roll my eyes and make it a point to close my door before he can. I hear him mutter something that sounds a lot like 'ducking glassmole' and then he's sitting in the driver's seat.

We make it to school in no time, and I go to open my door, but I hear Gus lock it. I look over to him and growl, "Um, Gus, can I get out of the car?"

He laughs and turns off the car. He takes the keys, then goes to my side and opens the door for me. I roll my eyes and push him out of the way.

* * *

(Gus's POV :D)

After fourth period, Hazel and I walk to the cafeteria for lunch. We make it to our usual table, which consists of our two friends Isaac and Kaitlyn. They look up at us as we approach them and smile.

"Hey Gus, I beat the new Price of Dawn video game. And you haven't. Sucks to suck doesn't it?", Isaac boasts.

I anticipate Hazel's retort before she even says it. "How does it feel to have no life, Isaac?"

He just flips her off in a joking way and laughs. I laugh, too. Her sarcasm always keeps me on my toes, and I like that.

We all go up to get our food, me standing with Isaac, and Hazel with Kaitlyn. I grab a tray, and ask for the main entree. Isaac follows suit, and then I make my way down the line to pay.

Once we all have our food, we walk back to our table. While I'm idly chatting to Isaac about video games, I hear Hazel and Kaitlyn whispering about something.

"So, have you told him yet?"

What? Told who what?

Hazel just shakes her head and whisper yells, "No. There's nothing to tell. And keep your voice down!"

"Whatever, Hazel. We all know how much you guys fawn over each other. Even Isaac, who's practically blind, can see it. Stop lying to yourself and him."

I zone out for the rest of their conversation. Hazel has feelings for someone? I start having false hopes that it's me. But that's insane, she only likes me as a friend.

I still can't help but wonder who the conversation was about. Hazel would surely told me if she liked somebody, right?

We tell each other everything, well except for the fact that I'm in love with her, but never mind that. I need to find out who they were talking about.

**ISAAC ISN'T BLIND, OK. I mean, he is in the actual book, just not in this story. **

**xx**


	5. What Did You Expect

**I haven't updated this story in so long. I've been writing my Mortal Instruments story. Sorry, guys. I'm here now, though. :)**

(Hazel's POV)

"Read me one.", Gus says as I'm leaning over a paper, scribbling down words to my poem.

"No. You know I can't do that.", I say, completely against the idea of anyone reading my stuff.

He sighs, leaning over me to grab my notebook.

"If you want to keep a limb, I suggest you don't try that ever again.", I say, pulling it out of his reach.

He makes a puppy face, pleading for me to read one.

"Alright, alright. Just, don't laugh at me, okay? They're really stupid and they aren't even that good.", I say, not wanting to hear his begging anymore.

He jumps up in the air, cheering.

"Yes! Ok, ok. I won't make fun of you. I bet they're really good, Hazel Grace.", he says, smiling.

I shake my head, and look down at my notebook. With shaky hands, I flip the page to the right one. I clear my throat, trying to say it out loud with out stuttering.

"O-okay. This one's called Wasteland.", I mumble.

He nods, squeezing my hand and urging me to go on.

"We all spend our days wasting,  
Every single one of us

You can gain so much,  
But lose it all the next day.

We all spend our days wasting,  
Every single one of us

I waste my breath  
On words that don't matter

You waste your love  
On people who don't care.

We all want to thrive,  
We all want to be so much more.

But we're all stuck in this wasteland.  
Full of broken dreams,  
And hearts that were too big to fill chests."

I never got to finish the poem, though, before my whole body started to ache. Not just a dull ache, a sharp, mind-splitting burst of agony that took my breath away.

"Hazel. Hazel are you okay? What's going on? Do you need your medicine?", Gus asks, jumping up from his seat at my bed.

I shake my head, unable to speak.

"Get.. Mom..", I choke out.

He nods, running out to get my mom, yelling her name. Before they get back to my room, though, it all goes black.

* * *

(Gus's POV)

I've been pacing about this tiny hospital room for 3 hours now.

You know that bit they always tell you in movies and books where you can't go in unless you're immediate family? I'm considered immediate family to the. Lancaster's, so, lucky for me, I can stay by Hazel until she wakes up.

Every time I hear an alter in her breathing my heart beat speeds up. She hasn't woken up and I'm scared she never will.

The doctor told us that the cancer's back. He doesn't know if it's terminal, or if it can be obliterated with the simple use of chemo. He doesn't know if she'll make it out alive this time.

Sitting here, staring at her beautiful, but weakened face, it makes me want to punch the wall.

I never got to tell her I loved her. I never got to kiss her. I never got to be there for her. I never got to be anything.

She might die, and she doesn't deserve it.

Hazel Grace Lancaster. The one who used to run up to strangers on the street, telling them they looked beautiful today. The one who used to volunteer to work at children's hospitals even if she thought they were depressing as hell. The one who I love. The one who's laying in a hospital bed, fighting for her life.

I know she's strong. If anyone could make it out of here smiling, it would be her. I'm just afraid I'm not as strong as she is. I'm afraid that if she doesn't get out of here alive, I'll break.

I'm just afraid.

**I wrote the poem a long time ago before I even wrote this story. I'm fully aware of how much it sucks.**

**Also I had no intention of hurting Hazel it just kind of happened. Sorry Hazel bby. Sorry Gus bby. Sorry.  
xx**


End file.
